By Kyle Osborne
With a combined 113 years of living between them, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone have seen it all. They’ve been at the top, at the very bottom, and now in their AARP years, these two muscle-heads have floated back up just a bit—they’re in that, “Yeah, their movies aren’t great, but they’re comfy like a pair of old slippers” territory.
Stallone plays Ray Breslin, a guy who literally wrote the book on prison security. He finds ways to become incarcerated, then finds ways to escape, thereby exposing the weaknesses of a given prison, and providing ways to make it more secure.
After an extended opening sequence, during which we see Sly do his escape thing, he gets his next assignment, and this one is in the big leagues: the CIA. As he’s crossing the street, a black van scoops him up and, next thing he knows, he’s been double-crossed and dumped into a secret government prison from which he cannot, and isn’t supposed to, escape.
The prison looks like a Habi-Trail hamster cage for humans—lots of connecting Plexi-glass cells and stuff. And, finally, at almost a half hour into the film, we get our first glimpse of Arnold, playing a buy generic propecia wwwmedics4ucom grey-beard inmate who can “do favors” and get you stuff.
Our two aging heroes, through one unbelievable development after another, will conspire to work together, expose some nasty goings-on and, of course, try to escape this Guantanamo on steroids (ahem). A supporting cast of great actors like Amy Ryan, Vincent D’Onofrio, and Sam Neil is remarkably unremarkable. Oh, and Fifty Cent has a small role (25 Cent?).
Whatever you’re expecting, provided your expectations are realistic, that’s pretty much what “Escape Plan” is; dumb lines, bad acting, fun action sequences, and you’re safely dropped off back to the real world two hours later.
These guys are the acting version of what’s known as the “Heritage Circuit” in the music and concert world—guys who can’t quite hit the same notes that were an easy reach in their younger days, but they still have enough fans from the old days that they can come together in the spirit of nostalgia. Nobody expects the same limber moves as before, they just want to hear the old hits again.
And that’s what you get here. Would you like a bathrobe with your comfy slippers?
‘Escape Plan’ is rated “R” and it gets Two out of Four Stars.